Day 89

"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake. If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" Matthew 7: 9-11

Coveting is a meaningless waste of our time and energy that steals from God the divine direction and plans he has for our lives. I learned this the hard way . . .

In the wake of 9/11 the economy stalled and I lost the marketing director position I’d held for nearly 10 years. It was a huge blow . . . to my pocketbook and my ego. One minute I was "somebody." The next I was on the street with thousands of other equally qualified, equally experienced marketing professionals. I felt my "identity" slip away as I disappeared among the masses.

At the time, I failed to recognize God’s hand in this event, to see that this was his way of thwarting the false god I served and returning my focus to him.

Instead, I determined with a vengeance to "hit the ground running." Two short weeks later, I was one of four people selected from hundreds of resumes to interview with the new chairman of a local humanitarian organization. As he shared his dreams for what he hoped to accomplish, I caught his vision and ran with it. The air buzzed with excitement as we traded thoughts and ideas. The synergy between us was palpable, so tangible I could almost taste it, so real I felt I could hold it in my hand.

The interview lasted three hours. As I left him that afternoon, he told me I was a "perfect fit" for the job. He said the last step in my becoming their new marketing director was a short interview with the public relations chair, which he would schedule for the following afternoon. I was elated, and spent the rest of the day envisioning the things I could do, the difference I could make in other people’s lives. I wanted, no, I coveted, that job, like nothing else before it, and I gave little thought to where God was in my plans.

I never heard from the chairman again . . .

My phone calls, e-mails, a letter, all went unanswered. I was stunned to think I’d so grossly misjudged our time together. More than that, I was angry with God. "Why?!" I asked. "Why did you dangle this opportunity in front of me, the perfect opportunity, only to take it away again?" It was weeks before I could put my anger aside and bring myself to start the job hunt anew.

A month or so later, curiosity struck and I visited the organization’s web site. I saw that they had hired a new marketing director – and that his work was on a junior level. "It had to have been about the money," I thought. "He hired someone less experienced because he thought I’d want too much."

Six months passed and I was still without a job. I ventured a second time to the organization’s web site and saw that the marketing director position was once again open. So strongly did I believe that the job was destined to be mine all along that I swallowed my pride and wrote to the chairman, expressing my continued interest and noting that if money was the issue, I’d appreciate the opportunity to discuss that with him. Again, he did not respond.

Several more despairing months of unemployment passed during which I alternately raged at God and humbly begged his forgiveness. One day I finally came to a place where I said, "Whatever your will is, Lord. That’s the place I want to be, the only place I want to be." A few days later, I received not one, but two job offers. I accepted them both.

God designed one job to give me unique experience and insight that he later used to benefit another Christian I met along the way. That was an incredible blessing in itself.

I still hold the second job. It’s not the "glamour job" I once had, the perks are few and the pay is half as much. But it has allowed me to be there for my family in ways I previously hadn’t been. It also has given me opportunities to venture down new avenues, to contribute in meaningful new ways at work – but never so much as to again steal my focus from God.

The Sunday after I received the two job offers, my daughter was sick so I stayed home from church. That gave me a rare opportunity to actually read the Sunday paper. And there on the front page, above the fold, was a photo of the chairman and, in big, bold headlines, the story of his demise. I learned that the board of directors had ousted him (and his newly-hired staff) for misappropriating funds and making critical decisions without the board’s approval. The deadline they’d given him to leave office was the very day I was to start the first of my new jobs. As the reality of this sunk in, I hung my head and wept in humility and gratitude for the incredible mercy God had shown me.

God doesn’t always let us know why he chooses the paths for us he does, why he sometimes withholds from us when he does. This time, in his grace, he gave me a window in. I understood, in a heartbeat, that his desire all along had been to prosper and not harm me; to protect me. I was awed by the magnificent depth of his love.

I’m still prone at times to coveting, to seeking after things I think I need or should have that I don’t. When I find myself in that place, I remember this chapter of my life and know that no matter how it appears to me, no matter what it is I think I’m "missing," God’s got it completely under control.

Pray: Father, we praise you and thank you for your love, your patience, your compassion in our lives. Help us, Lord, to trust that you alone know what we really need and are able to provide it.